We’ve finally made it to the last post of this three-part series, the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak! If you’ve been following the series, you’ll note that in part one and part two, I was in a really desperate place. As a quick recap, you’ll recall that my chest was always heavy while my stomach was in constant knots. Crying and headache spells were the norm. My concentration was shot and I was cycling through emotions faster than Takeru Kobayashi at a hot dog eating competition. Speaking of food, I had little appetite, and at 5’9”, I’d dropped to about 125 pounds. I had to prioritize taking care of me and I knew it was not going to be an easy fix! Here, in part three, I get to share my experiences about gaining peace-of-mind and setting up the foundations for lasting change.
In November of 2013, I was on my way to another rock bottom. Did you ever have recurrent problems that no matter what you did you just couldn’t shake them? It seems like no matter what you tried, it was never enough. So I’ve had a few of those for a while and in late 2013, I’d reached a point where drastic action needed to be taken or else I was going to lose myself! I’d hit some truths that were impossible to ignore. They demanded me to learn to let go. It became imperative that I go through a total overhaul of my way of thinking concerning my outlook on life.
How does one even begin to approach such a behemoth task? Well, apparently, I didn’t even need to think that hard. My intuition took over and somehow I began making the choices that started to fill the physical, emotional/mental, and spiritual holes in my life. Curious? Then here you go. These are the four main resources I used (and still do) to bring me closer to gaining peace of mind.
- Exercise
The first thing I did was join the gym. I wanted to take the thinking out of it so I specifically chose a high-energy, high-intensity weight training class. Those were the best 45 minutes of mental and emotional freedom money could buy. There was no devoting brain cells to any of my problems during a set of fast-paced combo bicep curls and overhead presses with a 20 lb barbel using my spindly arms. Similarly, I dared not feed into my anxiety and hold my breath while performing killer lunges with free weights on my spider legs! I’d be bruising for a serious injury if I tried. And when it was over, I was so sore that I couldn’t summon the wherewithal to feel anxious. Weight training gave me instantaneous results and it made me want to go back again and again. As I continued, I had the added benefit of sculpting my body, which was on my someday-I’ll-get-around-to-it list. I ended up dropping a size but gaining weight through muscle. Score and score!
- Therapy
My next course of action a few months later was to seek out professional help. I had awesome friends and family, still do. After a while though, it felt like dealing with my problems defined our relationships. We weren’t having fun anymore. They never complained and I’m so grateful for that! I felt as though I was taking advantage of the “you can cry on my shoulder anytime” offer. I made the choice to find someone who was trained in dealing with situations like mine, who would be objective and who I didn’t feel guilty off-loading to. Plus, when I knew that I had weekly meetings to discuss the stressors, somehow they became a little more manageable. It was a little like scheduling a time to stress. If you’ve felt like this, I’d love to hear how you’d describe it!
- Pray/Self-talk
I would pray but as I mentioned in a previous post, I didn’t even know what I was asking for! My faith was shot. Truthfully, it took a few more months after seeing a therapist before I could even open myself to trusting in God. He didn’t do anything but everyone and everything was under suspicion, myself included. It seemed that I had the map to reclaiming myself but at times I struggled with keeping on course! I remember I would practice repeating mantras about my thoughts. For instance I’d say, “They’re just thoughts not reality”. But then, those thoughts would give me a side eye and with a raised eyebrow answer back, “Oh really?!” Yeah…I prayed. The tension would immediately leave my body and I’d be able to follow-through with all the other stress-busting strategies. I know that spirituality means different things to different people… I can only attest to how nurturing a relationship with my spiritual side is vital to my lasting change.
- Fantasize
Yeah, you heard right! Another resource in my arsenal was using fantasy to help me envision what life would be if I were in the place I needed to be in. You’ve heard of fake it till you make it. It’s a similar concept. So, it’s been about 6-7 months into my “recovery plan” by now. I’m working out, praying, and off-loading my stressors to a paid professional. You would think that that was enough to give me a restful night—Heck no! Many times I couldn’t fall asleep. When I did, I would frequently awaken and had to watch some mindless show on TV to catch my needed ZZs. Not a healthy plan. I can’t remember how I started, but I would imagine how my life would be sans stressors. I created stories and back stories. I did that so much I started to believe in them. I didn’t limit my imagination to bedtime. I wove powerful stories, and re-played it ANYTIME I felt the need to do so. One day I realized that some of the things I was imagining were becoming a reality. It was weird! It seemed that I was feeding my subconscious a steady diet of who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go and then it/life/the universe (I really don’t know) took over. I didn’t have to force myself to open up to certain new ideas. Opportunities and situations simply came to be. Try it!
Participating in all four of the activities above, eventually at the same time, put me in the place I needed to be in order to create lasting change in my life as well as to give me the motivation necessary to continue curating my life. I didn’t abuse any of them either. I recognized that I needed all round help and as such catered to my whole self! As you can see, it was a step by step approach and I allowed my mind and body to lead me through the process. I was able to set the foundation for me to incorporate new and awesome strategies I could use, and still use, to optimize me.
When I started therapy, I remember stating that there was no way I was going to get right. In 2015, I ate those words. It crept up on me, and one day I didn’t wake up anxious. One day I was able to wrangle those monkey thoughts faster than usual. And finally one day I was at peace. It’s not perfect, and I do struggle on a daily basis. However, I am light years ahead of where I used to be, and that alone is enough to help me sleep at night!
As always, thank you for reading! What has your experience with anxiety been like? Please share.
Best,
Olanta
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