As we move closer and closer to our destination, I can feel the relief of my warrior protector. Our once fevered march has slowed to a light walk. She is weary yet ever watchful. We both know our relationship is on the precipice of change and we welcome the plunge. Somewhere, my adventure into adult life became a pilgrimage to peace of mind. Naïveté has been molded into wisdom. Blind hope has been replaced with cautious optimism. Fear has been fortified into courage. My protector shows less and less worry for my well-being because she knows the trials I’ve—no, we’ve endured and survived. I am scarred for sure but I am also stronger. My protector regrets nothing. Her mission is to deliver me safely to the promised land. She is on the verge of successfully completing her mission…and she makes no apologies.
There was a time I hated her constant presence. Every day, every hour, every second. Her influence on me was overbearing. Clearly she felt the disconnect within my mind, heart and spirit. The more I tried to push her away, the greater her return would be. Her shrill war cries at my enemies scared me, and in response I ran away, tripping over my own insecurities and falling head over heels into a series of rock bottoms. Lost. That was me. Desperation would lead me to grasp the callused palms of her outstretched arms to hoist me out of my troubles. She would lead me to places I’d never been before, and sure as hell NEVER want to see again. I doubted her, yet I followed. She was my one-eyed Queen.
Each trial made me stronger and soon, I was leading. I set a new course. She expressed her doubts. I countered, and in that moment, earned her respect. I still need her. I am in unchartered territory but for the first time, my inner compass is steadily pointing North. Mind, Heart and Spirit agree. I didn’t think it possible. How she knew I wouldn’t break is beyond me.
So here we are. She will never leave me and I am okay with this knowledge. She eagerly awaits her new role as veteran sentry, patrolling the periphery of my life. I will be given the space I need to fail at or fulfill my goals. She will be confident in my abilities to navigate my new surroundings. You see, my promised land is hers as well. We are vested in each other’s welfare. It’s a wonder how life turns out. Never would I have thought that I would feel anything positive, much more gratitude towards my anxiety, my protector.
Olanta
AproProse Category: Welcome to AproProse, a play on the word ‘apropos’ (meaning relating to, concerning). This category is where I collect my more creative prose that relate to one topic or another in my pursuit of progress. I hope you enjoy and can relate to the post’s sentiments. At the very least, I hope you have a good read.
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Very well written! Miss you dearly!
Thank you! Miss you too!